“Nature inspires both parents with love for their little ones . . . all parents renounce their own lives to dedicate them to their children.”
M. Montessori. Absorbent Mind, p. 31
Dr. Montessori recognized and admired the naturally powerful and nurturing bond between parent and child. Montessori education strengthens this natural, supportive bond by communicating to parents a commitment to the principles of individual liberty, observation and preparation of the environment. This communication appears as the “Parent Education” program of the Montessori school – – a vital and natural extension of Montessori principles beyond the classroom.
Parent-Child Relationship
Effective parent education begins with the recognition that the foremost reality in the young child’s life – – whether at school or at home – – is the status of its relationship with its parents. Educational efforts on behalf of the child cannot avoid the fundamental parent-child relationship without seriously limiting their impact and effect on the child. The Montessori school functions essentially to support and nurture this fundamental relationship. Thus, the parent-school relationship is a critical component of the child’s total experience at school.
Parent-School Relationship
Parents naturally relate to the school by providing their financial support and by leaving and picking up their children. Thus, the parent is brought into close contact with Montessori education on a frequent basis. For example, parents are able to observe the classroom and speak with the teacher during certain “transition points” when the child is dropped off or picked up. These daily “transition points” are useful opportunities for parent-school communication. In a recent study of day care centers, Dr. Douglas Powell noted that:
“The highest frequency of communication between parents and caregivers occurs at the ‘transition point’ when parents leave and pick up their children. Telephone communication is moderately used. Parent-caregiver conferences are infrequently used . . . visits to home by center staff are almost non-existent.”
Child Care Information Exchange, July/Aug. 1982
A Matter of Communication
A school’s “parent education” program is essentially a matter of communication; e.g., informal communication with parents on an individual basis, regular newsletters, monthly meetings, special events. The basis for the effectiveness of such efforts is the quality and openness of the communication between parent and school – – reflecting admiration and esteem for the substantial commitment parents have made on behalf of their children. Lacking such admiration and esteem, parent education efforts will have only limited impact and value.
The “Enemy”
School staff and teachers can readily fail to realize their admiration and esteem for parents who openly employ punishment, manipulation and fear with their children. Such parents are easily perceived as ignorant, stubborn, cruel, insensitive and generally incompetent with children. To the extent that school staff view parents within an attitude of blame and resentment for such behavior, parents are considered essentially as the “enemy” of the child – – tolerated only to the extent of receiving tuition payments and bringing the child to and from school.
Such alienation of the parent fundamentally denies the parents’ primary and critical function in support of the child’s development. To effectively resolve such alienation and attitudinal barriers towards parents, school staff and teachers need to engage the blame and resentment they carry towards their own parents.
Blame and Resentment
The normal adult carries considerable blame and resentment resulting from painful early childhood experience – parents are inevitably recognized as the target of such hostility. Nicholas Barton of the Primal Institute (Los Angeles, CA) indicated in the Primal Institute Newsletter (June, 1982) that, with respect to painful early childhood experiences, “parents who not only determine the development of their children but are their very origins are bound to be implicated”. Mr. Barton noted further that Primal Therapy engages such painful early experiences through a process of expressing feelings associated with those experiences.
An End to Reproach
In Primal Therapy, parents are the target of blame and resentment only to enable completion of certain reactive mechanisms associated with early painful experiences. Mr. Barton noted that “At some point a person must be done with reproach… full expression of feelings will lead to the end of blame and resentment.” Such resolution of hostility towards one’s own parents opens a new possibility for clear and empowering communication with all parents.
A Partnership
Effective parent education responds to the expressed interests and concerns of parents – – providing opportunities for sharing and learning together based on these interests and concerns. School staff, teachers and parents thereby engage in a working partnership on behalf of the child. Such a cooperative undertaking eventually realizes benefits in parent loyalty towards the school and extended community support and communication on behalf of Montessori education.
Montessori in the Home
Communication with parents at school and the changing behavior of the normalized child at home gradually and naturally lead parents to correct detrimental conditions at home and to realize a new, effective relationship with their children. Ultimately, a new home environment is created, consistent with Montessori principles. This ultimate result – – Montessori in the home – – confirms the full value and effectiveness of a school’s commitment to “parent education”.
Originally published in 1982 in Vol. 3, No. 7 issue of The Montessori Observer