Dressed with Dignity

By Sally Korte (IMS -15)
Sally related here one of her many experiences using the IMS technology with children at her Montessori school in Kansas.

IMS Montessori technology not only helps to resolve everyday misbehavior patterns, but it also has great power helping children to heal from traumatic experiences. In short, it provides adults with practical tools that always help to make a lasting impact in a child’s life.

Facing a problem in the classroom, I always re­member that a child is a spiritual being, which, sadly, is something that many educators forget. How many times I have witnessed the psycho­logical abuse that students endure when educa­tors use negative techniques trying to solve mis­behavior! And how absurd to use these negative techniques which don’t accomplish anything, and still keep using them over and over. The IMS technology is the only method that gives you positive results every time you use it.

Rosie – the child
Rosie is a case in point. Just turned three years of age, she has been my student since she was two and half. Although I observed some minor misbehaviors at first, every day she was achiev­ing more independence, moving towards normal­ization in the classroom. Until, one day, however, something changed.

The misbehavior drama
That day, Rosie started throwing the cubes of the pink tower. So, using the IMS technology, I made eye contact with her, and used the safe word phrase “Let me show you”. At that, Rosie stood up and screamed at me in a very loud voice “This is all your fault. You are the worst person. You will never see me again, do you understand.” She then ran to the restroom and shouted at her reflection in the mirror “I hate you so much. Why do you have to be so mean. I am tired of this”.

When she came out of the restroom, having now cleaned up her tears, she came over to me and asked, “Can you please show me how to do it?” I then saw this behavior pattern repeat itself not just one or two times more, but many times all day long. I could sense her spirit was cry­ing. Later I understood as she revealed to me that she had witnessed this same behavior by her parents in their last fight before separation.

Meeting with Mom
I therefore set up a meeting with Rosie’s mom to discuss the matter. At the meeting, she con­firmed that Rosie was telling me the exact same words that Rosie’s father told her when he moved out. She also told me that at home, Rosie would yell at her reflection in the mirror the same as at school. Since mom didn’t know how to handle this behavior, she tried to resolve the problem by promising Rosie the reward of a toy if she would stop the behavior. However, this only made things worse between them.

The mom then explained that Rosie would re­peat this same behavior everywhere, restaurants, grocery stores, around friends and family. It was clear that Rosie was acting out the drama of the emotional abusive husband with the victim mom submitting to it.

Since mom couldn’t handle this anymore on her own, she took my advice promptly as I explained to her the techniques eye contact, clear direction, repetition, patient waiting, distraction and IP. I also gave her safe words to use which she willingly agreed to use right away.

Using the Technology
After these meetings, Rosie’s behavioral pattern didn’t resolve right away, even though I was constantly using the IMS technology. So many times I felt like I was a priest performing an exorcism; the techniques and protocols were my holy water and the safe word my prayers for deliverance.

Happily, I know the technology always works in the end with the child coming back to reality to show his natural joy and peace. But with Rosie, I saw that some initial peace would become disturbed as she often went back to her fantasy stage.

So, I decided to work with both parents together. I wondered how I would be able to do this with two people who dis­liked each other so much? The answer was using the IMS technology, protocols and safe words during this meeting. And, with Rosie’s parents, I sensed that they both had something important in com­mon, their love for Rosie.

Meeting with Mom and Dad
In meeting with Rosie’s par­ents, Dad was at first quiet, re­flecting on my words. He then shared with us about his own childhood trauma, the separation of his parents, and how angry he was at his father for leaving him. He also shared about his strug­gle with anger as a child and that he had even attended therapy during his youth.

The Plan
Seeing that Dad was sincere and didn’t want the same strug­gles for Rosie, I recognize that the window for communication was open. Both of them then shared different scenarios of behavior patterns at home with Rosie, which we acted out so I could show them how to use the technology with their real life scenarios. We had a plan.

The Best school ever
After this meeting with both par­ents, Rosie showed a great im­provement. The misbehavior di­minished until one day she went to choose a math work independently, sat down with it and worked her ad­dition problems, showing joy every time she came up with the answer. When she finished, she walked over to show me her work paper, saying, “Mrs. Korte, this is the best school ever. I love it in here”.

Although Rosie has now moved on to another class, she always waves to me when I see her in the school hallway. Her current teach­ers report to me how well she works and how sweet she is. This makes me think of a verse from the Bible. “She is clothed with strength and dignity and; she can laugh at the days to come” Proverbs 31, 25.